Hello Beautiful,
Mummy is sorry this is a bit late, sometimes it is just too difficult to write!
You, my darling turned one on 7 July, Mummy simply cannot believe a year has passed since we last saw you. So much time has passed that you sometimes feel like a dream, Mummy finds that very hard. It is almost as if this happened to someone else, if Mummy is honest it did...
Mummy and Daddy found it really hard to decide what to do about your birthday and we only made a final decision a few days before. So your day started at your spot, Daddy and I bought you some ballons which we tied to your tree and we also bought your gifts and a nice chocolate cake with a sparkler candle and a normal one. Both Mummy and Daddy cried as we started to read the cards, it really hits us when we are there exactly what we deal with every day. We tried hard to keep it together for you though so that we could enjoy your "party" as much as possible. Your gifts from Mummy and Daddy were two Peter Rabbit books which we read to you and a healthy baby hamper which we bought to help an expectant mother in a poor country, we hoped you liked them! After we read your stories we tried to light your candles but it was so windy it didn't really work, so we decided to light them at home at 20:11 which is the time you were born. Just before we left Daddy planted a lily for you which should be flowering now and we also went to the office to buy you a vase which could stay on your plot.
We then said our goodbyes and Daddy and I let your balloons go so you had something to play with before we made our way back home. When we opened the door we were greeted with around 10 cards from your friends and family all wishing you a happy birthday, it really was lovely and Mummy and Daddy really appreciated it. Thank you for remembering!
The next part of your day was at the Sea Life centre in Birmingham where we saw some penguins, sharks, stingrays and jelly fish which was very fun. Your Mummy even touched a starfish! Once we had gotten round all the attractions we went to the shop and bought you a little penguin souvenir which now sits next to Ralphy the Christmas fox in the front room. After we had finished at the Sea Life Centre Daddy and I went to Ed's Diner for party food, Daddy had a massive chocolate milkshake which he enjoyed a bit too much... he almost didn't eat his lunch!
We then finished of your day with another balloon release and the lighting of the candles at 20:11. Although it was a hard day we hope you were proud of how well you Mummy and Daddy did and we hope you enjoyed the day.
Happy 1st Birthday little one, we love you so, so much!
Mummy will write again soon.
Love eternal
Mummy and Daddy
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The lost Birthday - Sarah Hancon
The house is oh so quiet
No balloons nor party hat
No children playing wildly
Or adult chatter-chat
For today there is no party
No cake or gifts around
For you my dear, sweet darling
Are resting underground
It would have been so lovely
To have you here today
To see you laugh and smile
On this your first birthday.
Wednesday, 15 July 2015
Tuesday, 16 June 2015
3 weeks...
Hello gorgeous!
I cannot believe in three weeks you would be one, one whole year old!! It is strange to think I have been a Mummy for almost a year and yet I don't know what it feels like to wake up to my baby crying. I don't know what your cry even sounded like, or your laugh! I don't know if you would have been a chunky baby or skinny like your Daddy. I don't know what your favourite sandwich would have been or you favorite nursery rhyme. It's sad.
Mummy wonders what your first birthday would have been like if you were here. Would we have had a party here or would we have gone somewhere? Who would have come to celebrate with you? Finn and Sofia? Darcy? Frankie and Georgie? I don't know, I know Marley would have had a great time if we had it here! Mummy wouldn't have time to talk to anyone because I would be running around clearing up her accidents! Daddy and I still haven't decided what to do yet, we will go to your tree in Olney but after that I just don't know, cry most likely! It's true what people say, you never get over the loss of your child!
Mummy isn't as fragile as she once was and slowly my confidence is growing but my heart is still so raw. Plus I am scared, all the time. I'm scared of losing someone else I love, I just couldn't cope. There is a certain clarity that comes with experiencing a sudden loss, everything seems so much clearer. The flowers are brighter, the breeze is more refreshing and the love you have for those around you grows so much stronger. Alongside that though is the total knowledge that nothing is certain, nothing can control our fate. There is no balance of good and bad, just because one bad thing happens does not mean something good will next. That is why it is so important to appreciate all you have, it might not always be what you wanted but almost certainly there is someone out there who would move mountains for it. Any future siblings you might have will know that, they will appreciate that and understand just how lucky they are to have such a loving family. That will be your gift to them.
You taught me so much, more than anyone else in my life.
Mummy is sorry that I don't write as much but that doesn't mean I don't think about you, I do all the time, it has just become part of how I breathe. I breathe you in and breathe out the pain, you are part of my being.
I love you so much darling.
Love eternal,
Mummy and Daddy
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I cannot believe in three weeks you would be one, one whole year old!! It is strange to think I have been a Mummy for almost a year and yet I don't know what it feels like to wake up to my baby crying. I don't know what your cry even sounded like, or your laugh! I don't know if you would have been a chunky baby or skinny like your Daddy. I don't know what your favourite sandwich would have been or you favorite nursery rhyme. It's sad.
Mummy wonders what your first birthday would have been like if you were here. Would we have had a party here or would we have gone somewhere? Who would have come to celebrate with you? Finn and Sofia? Darcy? Frankie and Georgie? I don't know, I know Marley would have had a great time if we had it here! Mummy wouldn't have time to talk to anyone because I would be running around clearing up her accidents! Daddy and I still haven't decided what to do yet, we will go to your tree in Olney but after that I just don't know, cry most likely! It's true what people say, you never get over the loss of your child!
Mummy isn't as fragile as she once was and slowly my confidence is growing but my heart is still so raw. Plus I am scared, all the time. I'm scared of losing someone else I love, I just couldn't cope. There is a certain clarity that comes with experiencing a sudden loss, everything seems so much clearer. The flowers are brighter, the breeze is more refreshing and the love you have for those around you grows so much stronger. Alongside that though is the total knowledge that nothing is certain, nothing can control our fate. There is no balance of good and bad, just because one bad thing happens does not mean something good will next. That is why it is so important to appreciate all you have, it might not always be what you wanted but almost certainly there is someone out there who would move mountains for it. Any future siblings you might have will know that, they will appreciate that and understand just how lucky they are to have such a loving family. That will be your gift to them.
You taught me so much, more than anyone else in my life.
Mummy is sorry that I don't write as much but that doesn't mean I don't think about you, I do all the time, it has just become part of how I breathe. I breathe you in and breathe out the pain, you are part of my being.
I love you so much darling.
Love eternal,
Mummy and Daddy
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, 12 May 2015
Daddy ran a marathon
Hello Squidgy,
It's been a long time since I last wrote to you, I'm sorry sweetheart, Mummy has just been trying to move forward.
The pain has dulled, or maybe I am just so used to it that I don't notice it as much? I still miss you as much, I still wish you were here but I guess my heart just holds more now, pain and love. So, we have gone through a few milestones over the last couple of months, Mother's Day, 9 months, 40+1 weeks since you left us which means you have been gone longer than we had you and most recently your 10 month anniversary. In less than 2 months you would have been one, one!!! They were hard, especially Mother's Day, Mummy should have been having morning, afternoon and evening snuggles with you but you weren't there! It doesn't mean I am not your Mummy though and some lovely people, including Daddy remembered which brightened my day a bit.
It's not all boohoo though, we have had some brighter moments and they are getting longer now.... Your Daddy ran a marathon last week, Mummy knows you were with him every step of the way so thank you! He did so well, coming in at just over 5 hours which for his first marathon is amazing! Mummy is very proud of him and he raised almost £2000 for SANDS and Children are Butterflies! Emma and Rhys took part too which really helped Daddy, they all did great! It was also Mummy's birthday and our wedding anniversary last month, we didn't do much on our anniversary but we did go to Harry Potter Studios on my birthday which was fun, although Mummy missed out on opening the doors to the great hall! Oh well, Daddy and I had some fun on broomsticks! I wonder if you would have liked Harry Potter? By the time you saw it you probably would have thought it was a bit lame and dated! There are lots of things Mummy wonders about...
Anyway sweetheart, mummy loves you so, so much. We truly wish you could have stayed but we hope you are happy wherever you are.
Mummy knows that we "talk" everyday but I promise I won't leave it so long in between letters next time.
Love eternal.
Mummy and Daddy
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It's been a long time since I last wrote to you, I'm sorry sweetheart, Mummy has just been trying to move forward.
The pain has dulled, or maybe I am just so used to it that I don't notice it as much? I still miss you as much, I still wish you were here but I guess my heart just holds more now, pain and love. So, we have gone through a few milestones over the last couple of months, Mother's Day, 9 months, 40+1 weeks since you left us which means you have been gone longer than we had you and most recently your 10 month anniversary. In less than 2 months you would have been one, one!!! They were hard, especially Mother's Day, Mummy should have been having morning, afternoon and evening snuggles with you but you weren't there! It doesn't mean I am not your Mummy though and some lovely people, including Daddy remembered which brightened my day a bit.
It's not all boohoo though, we have had some brighter moments and they are getting longer now.... Your Daddy ran a marathon last week, Mummy knows you were with him every step of the way so thank you! He did so well, coming in at just over 5 hours which for his first marathon is amazing! Mummy is very proud of him and he raised almost £2000 for SANDS and Children are Butterflies! Emma and Rhys took part too which really helped Daddy, they all did great! It was also Mummy's birthday and our wedding anniversary last month, we didn't do much on our anniversary but we did go to Harry Potter Studios on my birthday which was fun, although Mummy missed out on opening the doors to the great hall! Oh well, Daddy and I had some fun on broomsticks! I wonder if you would have liked Harry Potter? By the time you saw it you probably would have thought it was a bit lame and dated! There are lots of things Mummy wonders about...
Anyway sweetheart, mummy loves you so, so much. We truly wish you could have stayed but we hope you are happy wherever you are.
Mummy knows that we "talk" everyday but I promise I won't leave it so long in between letters next time.
Love eternal.
Mummy and Daddy
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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