Friday, 6 February 2015

I can't keep keeping on....

Hello Gorgeous

Mummy misses you so very badly, it just isn't fair. This truck that keeps hitting us is getting too much to bear, they must have added an extra load recently. I've had enough now, Daddy has had enough now. We damn well deserve some sodding happiness! It's about bloody time that we got some and I mean in the baby department because honestly, I do not care about the other stuff. The other stuff is exactly that, just stuff!

We do have lots to be thankful for and we are, I promise you that, but save the people in our lives I would trade it all for you. I would trade my life for yours... but then you would have no Mummy and that would make you and Daddy sad. Basically there is no win situation for us, you will always be somewhere we are not.

Mummy just doesn't see an end to any of this, she does see another baby in our future. We are doing things to so say help us conceive but so far nothing is working. I don't hold out much hope that anything will. You know when you have a feeling, like when you answer the phone (no number shown) you know who it is. Or when you just have a funny feeling something will happen, like you know you will bump into someone when you are out. It is that feeling I have all the time. Mummy just feels like it isn't going to happen, that we are going to be the couple who never had a living child. Some people who do not know us will think we are weird... "It isn't easy for everyone, not everyone can have children!" Mummy will shout in her head!

That is why Mummy finds it so hard to deal with when parenting is cast in such a negative light! SMA adverts are mainly all doom and gloom, the only happy parts seem to be when the mother is "free" of her children! I'm "free" of my children every single day and it is hell, I'd much rather have a buggy I cannot fold, constant dirty nappies or food thrown on my face than this! I do not doubt it is hard work or frustrating at times but what about the cuddles? What about the giggling and the amazement when they take their first steps? My advert would consist of an empty nursery, an unopened packet of nappies, flowers on a grave and a box of tampons! Mummy just wants our advert to change. We will always have your grave, we will always have the hole you have left behind but we could have good times too?! That packet of nappies could be opened along with the nursery door?! That box of tampons could stay unopened for 9/10 months, couldn't they?! I doubt it but man o man I wish it!

I just hate living in this loop, it is exhausting and requires more strength than I have left!

We wish you were here.

Love eternal,

Mummy and Daddy