Thursday, 10 July 2014

Hello Sweetheart

To our gorgeous girl Ophelia,

You came into our lives sleeping on 07/07/2014, one day before your due date. You are and were the most beautiful little thing and although it was incredibly hard, giving birth to you was without question the most amazing, but heartbreaking moment of mine and your (wonderful) Daddy's life.

You were born just after 8pm and were delivered directly on to my chest, your little head rested directly over my heart. Our first reaction was tears, tears of joy and tears of total sadness as you did not cry, you made no sound at all. You were so peaceful though, and so completely beautiful, our hearts just burst with pride that we had made you, we are just so sorry you couldn't stay.

You stayed with me on my chest and Mummy and Daddy showered you with kisses and cuddles, it was such a magical moment. The midwife who had delivered you, Jo, brought in a bath so that we could wash you as you were covered in sticky goo from Mummy's tummy ;-)! It was such a lovely moment for your Daddy and I, we got to see every part of you and truly take in just how amazing you were. You had the most amazing little hands and feet, well your feet were actually really quite big, we both enjoyed tickling them. You clearly took after your "big sister" Marley too as you were just so long (if you are reading this and do not know who Marley is, she is our miniature dachshund)!!!

After we gave you a bath we got you dry and dressed you in a beautiful little denim romper suit and pink baseball jacket that had "A, for Awesome on it", very fitting! Soon after that you got to meet your amazing family, who had been patiently waiting outside to see you. You met both sets of grandparents, both your aunties and your uncle and they loved you just as instantly as we did, it was a very special time for us all.

The family didn't stay long as they wanted to give us time alone with you. After they had gone your Daddy and I cuddled and kissed you some more and took lots of pictures. We then put you in the Moses basket and watched over you all night, it was very hard for Mummy and Daddy to sleep as we knew we did not have much time with you in the physical sense. The Moses basket you were in was a very special one as it kept you cool, which allowed us to have more time with you, so we wrapped you up nice a tightly in your blanket, we hope you weren't too cold.

In the morning your Daddy and I got you up and decided to change you into a little sleep suit to make you more comfortable. Before we did that though we wanted to take some more pictures of your perfect little body, especially your bum! Mummy picked you up and cradled you in her arms with your bare bottom on show and just as Daddy reached for the camera you did a poo on Mummy's hand, we thought it was so funny. Daddy cleared it up and took some lovely shots, then it was Daddy's turn and once again as soon as he had you in his arms you pooped again! You certainly take after you Daddy with that Miss Ophelia Two Poops!

We had a busy day with you that day, you had a chaplain come to meet you and he ministered a short blessing for you, this meant you could walk with the angels up in heaven, this has given us some peace as we know you are being looked after. You also met your "Big Sister" Marley! The room we were staying in had a little garden outside and the hospital staff kindly allowed us to have Marley come to see you there. She was so gentle with you, she calmly smelt and licked your face, her way of giving you a kiss! This is a pretty big deal for Marley as she is normally so energetic but she knew how precious and delicate you were, it was just so lovely.

You also saw most of your family again, except your Aunty Claire, they all told you how much they loved you, gave you lots of kisses and let you know how much they would miss you. You really are so loved Ophelia, even the midwives loved you instantly. One of the midwives came in to see us and told us she had lit a candle for you at Church, this touched our hearts more than she could ever know! Caroline, the midwife that had looked after Mummy all the way through her pregnancy came in to see you too, she was so sorry but she gave you a squeeze and told you how pretty you were.

In a quieter moment, Daddy took you outside and showed you the flowers, putting some in your hair. You listened to the birds sing together and felt the sun on your faces. Mummy later sat with you for a while and told you all about your room at home and showed you pictures of all your friends. It was such a special day and the memories we have we will cherish forever.

We knew our time was coming to an end though, you were becoming so cold and your body was starting to deteriorate, it was not fair too keep you for much longer so your Daddy and I made plans to say goodbye to you the next day. We cuddled that night, took pictures, kissed every inch of your body, trying desperately to get as much of you as we could.

The morning came and we prepared ourselves for what would be the hardest thing we would ever have to do, leave you! You wanted to leave you with someone you had met so we chose to leave you with Jane. We spent the morning together, we sang you "Twinkle twinkle little star", played with your hands and feet and spent some precious moments in the garden with you. Then came the time to say our final goodbye to your body.

We got you changed so you were in a nice new outfit, we wrapped you in your favourite blanket and popped you in your basket with rabbit and bear. We also put in some of the flowers we had picked together from the garden, a picture of the three of us and letters from us to you. These will stay with you forever Ophelia, so you will never be alone. Mummy and Daddy have a memory box too, we have the same flowers as you, and the same bear, we also have copies of the letters we wrote for you. We have the clothes you wore and one of the blankets we wrapped you in which both smell of you. We also took you hand and foot prints and Mummy is thinking about having them as a tattoo. We have the hospital tags with your name on it and some of the photos the midwives took of us. This box we will treasure forever, we cannot stop looking at it and kissing the photos of you.

We told you we were sorry, and we hoped we made you proud. But most of all we told you we loved you, we would miss you everyday and we would carry with us your soul forever. We kissed you goodbye and watched you go and it was the hardest thing we have ever done but we know you are at peace and you are safe.

It has now been almost 24 hours since we last saw you and we cannot describe the agony we are in but your love and the love we feel for you is really helping us. It is still so raw and we are taking things one step at a time. Today we hope to get some pictures printed and put into frames so we can proudly show you off around the house, we just love seeing the pictures we have of you! We also need to think about your funeral and where to have it, we are going to make a trip up to Olney today to look at the church and Greens burial ground. We think this will be a nice place for you as that way you will be close to your Gran and Grandad and also your Auntie Claire, you will also be close to where your Daddy grew up and got into trouble!!! We will pick the right spot for you and it will be the place that we can be together and remember each other.

I plan to write to you on here too, tell you how we are getting on and what we have been upto. Some of the posts will be happy, some will be sad but all will be full of love for you, our beautiful daughter.

Sleep well for now and I will speak to you tomorrow.

Love you with all our hearts!

Mummy and Daddy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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