Thursday, 31 July 2014

Does anyone have a time machine?

Hello Squidgy,

I miss you so much, I just can't believe you were so cruelly snatched away from us! PLEASE WILL SOMEONE MAKE A TIME MACHINE?! I just have this overwhelming feeling that you would be here, healthy if you had just been born two days earlier! That is almost impossible to live with!

Today was slightly more productive than yesterday and Monday, Daddy was in the garden again and Mummy put together a new blog page called "Face your fears for Ophelia". Mummy and Daddy are going to do a series of challenges that we are scared of in order to raise money for SANDS and Children are Butterflies. Mummy is planning to do a few heights challenges and Daddy is going to do something to do with flying but I will tell you more about that once we have things sorted out!

Jane came to see us this afternoon, she had just come back from a week's holiday with her family, she had a nice time! We all chatted about how things were going and how Mummy and Daddy were feeling, we also spoke about when your post mortem results would be back, hopefully it should only be another couple of weeks, maybe we will get some answers then. I am scared that it will be to do with the cord being around your neck, how do we deal with that? It was meant to keep you alive, not kill you! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhh, THIS SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING! I shouldn't be thinking about post mortem results, or anew pregnancy, or baby names, you were meant to be here!

Jane stayed for about an hour or so and just before she left she asked if she could have a copy of your bum picture we have on the mantelpiece, she said she hadn't seen one like that and could use it in future training sessions to show midwifes different sorts of pictures to take for the memory box. She also wants it for a video that they are sending to consultants etc to show the real side of baby loss, hopefully they will take notice!

Not long after Jane left Mummy and Daddy had to go to their first SANDS support group meeting, both of us were really apprehensive. We imagined it to be a large dark room with a lectern at the front and a row of plastic chairs with each couple sat miles from each other. Each couple would then be called up to the lectern and asked to share their story, "Hi my name is Sarah and my daughter was stillborn!" Scary! It was nothing like that at all thankfully. The ladies that ran the sessions immediately made us feel at ease and we laughed way before we cried! Each of the couples that came to the session were completely normal and very welcoming, a far cry from what we had imagined. Mummy and Daddy left feeling like we had found a place to go, we are really pleased we went. Everyone loved you name too :-).

It was late when Mummy and Daddy got home but we weren't that tired so we found an amazing film to watch... Two Headed Shark Attack! Winner!

It is really late now so I will say goodnight! Mummy and Daddy will come and see you tomorrow and read you another story.

Massive squeeze!!!

Love eternal

Mummy and Daddy


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