Thursday, 17 July 2014

I am still scared....

To our darling Ophelia,

How are you today? I hope you are enjoying yourself wherever you are.

Daddy and I met with the vicar today, she seemed very nice and she has a wonderful service planned for you. There will be music, poems, stories and lots of your friends and family around to say goodbye. We also went to see the florist, we have picked out some very pretty flowers for you. Oh Ophelia, how I wish all of this was to welcome you in to the world not to send you on your way.

Everyday brings with it a new pain, something else we have to do without you. I hate that it is so easy for me to go and have a shower, that cleaning the house isn't an issue, that getting out the door is as simple as it has always been. I want the complete opposite of what I imagine every other mother wants, but that is the point, I can only imagine what it is like to be a Mummy, I wasn't given the chance. Why were you taken from us? Are we being punished for something, did we do something wrong? Are we not meant to have children?

I am so scared that we might not have another child, I am scared that if we are lucky enough that we will have to wait a long time, I am scared of carrying another baby and I am scared that I won't be able to see you in them. Please watch over us Ophelia, give Mummy and Daddy the opportunity and the strength to bring your baby brother or sister home one day. Mummy and Daddy are scared of being alone.

Your Nanny and Grandad moved into their new house today, so Mummy, Daddy and Marley went over to see it. I think you would have had fun playing in the garden with Marley. It is a very nice house, a fair bit smaller than the last one but lovely all the same. I wish you could have been there beautiful, I wish you could be with us all the time, I miss the feeling of holding you in my arms. This is torture!

I see so much hurt in the world, so many children are mistreated, so many people have no understanding of how lucky they are. We knew how lucky we were. We never would have done anything to hurt you, so why were you chosen to leave this world? I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!

It was the finale of 24 yesterday, Mummy and Daddy were DIS-A-POINTED! Such an anti-climax! Then again the whole series was really, note to producers... never shoot 24 outside of Los Angeles again! Anyway, I am sure you don't really care about 24, you are a bubba and don't really know what is going on. I just want to involve you in everything we do.

We are off to the seaside tomorrow, hopefully it will help us to clear our heads a bit and get ready for next week. We hope you like it.

Love you little one.

Mummy and Daddy


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