Saturday, 22 November 2014

Dear whoever...

Hello Ophelia,

Mummy has a letter I was wondering if you send? I don't know who it is to, I don't know if it is to anyone... I guess there is a part of Mummy that hopes that everything isn't just random. That there is a giant scale for good and bad luck and that ours will be tipped for good luck soon. Mummy is just willing to give anything go right now.

Dear Whoever or whatever controls our lives,

My name is Sarah Hancon, I fear you may have forgotten me... Either that or you do not like me. It would be easier if you had forgotten me because hopefully this letter would prompt you to change our fate. If it is the latter, could you tell me what I did? I never meant to upset you, I am sorry if I have, I do try my very best to be a good person.

You see all we have wanted for the past three years is a little baby, a son or daughter to take care of, to love. We thought our dreams were about to come true but our precious daughter was snatched right at the last minute. You see, we have lost two children now and been through months and months of trying. I just don't understand, why is it so much more difficult for us? Have we done something that means we don't deserve happiness? Or is it just a mistake, did you not realise we were hurting so much? If that is the case, please could you send the stalk our way?

It is the most natural thing in the world, I'm not being greedy, just one living child is all I would like. Over the past three years this love has grown inside me, Ophelia was meant to be the recipient of that love but I can only love her in my mind, I can't kiss her, touch her or do anything for her. This love I have is trapped, nowhere to go! I know if we were to be blessed with a sibling for Ophelia they would be loved beyond imagination but for the moment it is just so painful. Sometimes I feel so lonely, so low that I just can't fight anymore. I just want to sleep until a happier time but I am worried it is just not coming...

We did everything right, washed all our veg, took vitamins, didn't have a drop of alcohol but was there something I missed?! Did I eat something I shouldn't have? Was the bath too hot? Did I eat too many biscuits? Sounds ridiculous to be asking these things but when you did nothing wrong and your daughter died of nothing you search for anything. I promise, I will do EVERYTHING I can if you give us another chance. I will look up every food, I will get loads of rest, I won't lift anything, I'll have baths that make me go goose pimply and I'll steer clear of biscuits! I will never take any of it for granted, from the first heartbeat to their very last a hundred years later!

Please! I beg you!

Love and so much hope,

Sarah xx

Thank you for sending this for Mummy and Daddy, we love you so, so much! You are amazing!

Love eternal,

Mummy & Daddy



  1. I know so well that feeling of having all that love inside of you and just needing a place to physically show it. We have all the immeasurable, motherly love for our babies not with us, but we also want to let it out on a living, breathing child. I am thinking of you and Ophelia tonight. I wish she was there with you.

  2. Hi Kimber, sorry, I tried to reply the other day but it didn't work! Thank you! I am sorry we are on this path without our babies!

    1. The pain is unbearable but the love is incredible! Thinking of you! Sarah xx