Thursday, 23 October 2014

Back to the future

Hello Poppet,

Mummy has probably let you down recently, haven't had a lot of strength to be honest, I am just exhausted, tired of all the pain your Daddy and I have endured over the last four years. I haven't even made it out of bed a couple of times. Lazy Mummy eh?! If you were here I would never be able to do that, I'd never probably have understood how lucky I was to be so tired though so thank you for showing me just how precious every second is!

Mummy went to the home yesterday though, spoke to a lovely lady called Doris, she is 95 and looks AMAZING! Sadly she doesn't really like the activities the home puts on, there is lots to do but it just isn't her thing, she likes plays and romance novels! I spoke to her for a while, asked where she was from, whether she liked dancing and how long she has been at the home. She then told me about her daughters and the cruise they had recently been on, she is a sweetheart. It broke Mummy's heart to see her sad so I offered to find her some romance novels from the bookshelf downstairs, when I brought them too her she told me I had cheered her up no end, it made Mummy smile. It is amazing really how just a few moments can make a difference to someone! Mummy knows you would have done things like that too!

Daddy and I are doing this run on Saturday, the tag line is "when life hands you rain, make rainbows!" We thought it was quite fitting to say the least! Mummy and Daddy are very ill prepared though, we have done no training at all but like I say, we haven't had any strength recently! Hopefully we will do ok though with you spurring us on and maybe we will come home with a rainbow!

Mummy has started dreaming about babies, had a dream every night this week so far, I. The dreams I get to hold a baby, I don't know if it is you, I just know that every second I hold the her is a second longer than I thought and I feel so grateful. In one dream the baby had a broken foot, or twisted somehow, Mummy tried to fix it but I just made it worse, is that what I am doing now? I am trying to heal but sometimes I just feel like I am getting worse. Anyway, then I wake up... Dreams can come true I keep trying to tell myself but how can I really believe that when upto now they haven't?

Mummy has started a little chant before she goes to bed, every night after the light goes out and Daddy and I have said our goodnights I lie on my side and start to breathe in and out deeply, right into the depths of my body and repeat the following in my mind at least three times:

"You can get pregnant"
"You can carry a child"
"You can give birth safely"
"You can bring a living baby home"

It is like I am specifically talking to my eggs, willing them on, "you can do it ladies, just have faith!" Mummy thinks it helps to relax me, not sure if it does any good though. Only time will tell I guess!

Anyway sweetheart, Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, Marley loves you! We miss you all the time! This time last year you were here, maybe only by a day or so but here all the same, one year on, no baby though! One year on for now, Back to the Future will be in the past and hoverboards might exist, let's hope your brother or sister does too!

Love eternal.

Mummy and Daddy


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