Friday, 31 October 2014

My daughter, the box!

Hello Squidgy,

Mummy went into town with your Granny and Grampa Angelinetta today, it was nice to see them. They treated Mummy to a couple of bits from Mummy's favourite shop, it was very kind of them but it is just another thing that none of us should have been doing. Of course, we would have gone shopping but it should have been for the little tutu Mummy had seen before you were born, I know Grandma wanted to buy you one. Now, would we ever get that tutu? If you do have a little sister would I want to buy her a tutu because that vision I had was yours. Mummy knows you wouldn't mind, you would be so happy to see Mummy and Daddy smile but we do have to consider these things.

This month has actually been the most difficult one so far for Mummy (bar July obviously...), I think the shock helped me through the first three months but this month was the start of the real grief. It was the start of "this time last year..." On Monday it will be one year since we found out we had finally fallen pregnant again but all we have to show for all the months of trying and the 9 months of carrying you are memories, photos and a box, what the hell is that about?

How did my daughter turn into a box?
She was meant to be here, asleep in her cot.

How did my life become so dark?
We were meant to be together, skipping along in the park.

How did our house become so empty?
We were meant to have visitors and guests aplenty.

How will we begin to live this new life?
When hope has gone missing and pain cuts like a knife.

I will try to be positive, do what I can
To live your life for you and come up with a plan

To honour your memory and make proud
So you will be smiling from up there in the clouds.

Your Daddy is doing the Milton Keynes Marathon in your honour next year, 26 miles... He is going to start training this weekend, Mummy is very proud of him! He is going to do it as part of Face your fears for Ophelia so hopefully that will raise a bit more money for SANDS and Children are Butterflies. Mummy and Daddy are also dressing up as Superheroes on 14 November as part of SANDS Superheroes, I am sure you will think we look very funny!!!

Mummy met one of her forum friends this week, she is lovely, I hope we get to see each other again! Mummy has also started a bit of a detox (although I might have a wine or two tonight...), it's more of a fertile food diet, I will give anything a go! I am also doing Yoga, you probably saw Mummy looking like a right weirdo earlier in the week as she flung her body into strange shapes and made funny sounds, it helps to relax me though.

Anyway poppet, Mummy and Daddy miss you so, so much. It is so long since we last saw you and we still have forever left until we see you once more! We know you are looking over us and sending your love and wishing for happiness for us. Thank you beautiful!

Love you to the moon, the stars and the sun and back.

Love eternal

Mummy and Daddy


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