It has been five weeks since we found out we lost you and Mummy and Daddy are right back to where we were a year ago, before you came along. I didn't think travelling back in time was possible but it seems it is! We had wanted a baby for so long, you were the best surprise ever but now we are asking the same questions we were a year ago;
Will we get pregnant again?
Will the baby be healthy?
Will we have another miscarriage?
Then there is the if's;
If we get pregnant, when will we tell people?
If we get pregnant, how will we cope?
If we get to 20 weeks, shall we find out the sex?
Mummy hate's all the if's, we just want to be active parents, it make me feel sick knowing we have no idea if we will ever get to do that! I know it has only been five weeks but I want to be pregnant again NOW! The waiting and the constant wondering is just misery, please, please, please let us get pregnant again soon!!! It hurts so much, we shouldn't be wishing for this!!! We wanted you, you were almost here, if you could come home it would fix everything!
I heard a saying that god only gives you what you can handle... We can't handle this!!! Mummy and Daddy are desperate without you! We long to do all the things most parents take for granted, we wish we could change your nappy, we wish we had to get up for nights feeds and we wish we could soothe you when you cry! I can feel pressure rising up inside my body, a sickness, an ache a raw pain that exists in me all the time but when I think about all the things we are missing it consumes me.
WE WANT YOU BACK!
We want to be parents again, we deserve that don't we? Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!
Why you, why you, why you??????
We love you!
We miss you!
Our hearts are broken!
Mummy and Daddy